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Recollection

by Chillian Murphy

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1.
Ah yes, your golden smile, pearl white teeth and eyes of a cinephile Will you please drop your plans and waste your life with me? It's a lonely town, and that won't change but with you here I feel okay in your arms Wish you'd stay forever... Won't you stay forever? We should stay here We should stay through the night Flashlight blazing in your eyes, so you don't know Wrong from right Flashlight fading and I'll surely die if you let go Through the night, we'll go racing Forever
2.
Love can make it so... with its dizzy sighs and butterflies, you know? Love takes its toll - enslave your heart to free your soul You're the lucky one, you know? With your hands clenched tight in your coat You're the lucky one, you know? With your hands clenched tight Time... time moves way too slow I can hardly take it If God loved me then he would let me know There ain't no God - there ain't no hope Choose to believe what you wanna believe it's fine At the end of the day, it's just a waste of a day's worth time
3.
On Vacation 01:40
There's nothing more to talk about We have said it, we have screamed it out Now's about the time About the time we leave this place Go away for awhile Leave this place, get away for awhile We'll make a great escape
4.
Dark Humor 02:50
I'll take what my hands take and break with my heartbreaks and throw it together and then watch it dissolve Don't get me wrong, I'll probably put it on the back burner Not moving on until I get just what I'm after And I'm a right, a right, a right disaster Yeah, you're right, you're right, what a waste of an afternoon What a waste of an afternoon Oh, what I'd give to be young again I'd strap those stars to my eyes, get some time to spend Oh, what I'd give to be yours then What a waste
5.
Sunburn 03:35
Safe beside you, I can hide 'til tomorrow is gone it won't be long before you see what you mean to me I took the same road you took I look the same way you look A fool could see it was meant to be this way But you're a world away You're a world away What a grand design... What paradise I'll send a signal to the sky, an S.O.S It'll pierce your heart through your sunburnt chest You'll catch your breath, but dear you won't know why You find me sleeping in your mind tonight This was your reply, "I tried my best" You left me here and that's all I get? Why do you make it so hard to love you? Why do you make it so hard to love you? What grand design? What paradise? Well, I'm lost without you, but I can hide 'til tomorrow is gone It won't be long 'til you come home
6.
Lights Out 03:18
I say, "razor blade" and you'll swallow it just the same It'll leave a trail of bloody red it's coating every word you've ever said Like "darling won't you be my queen, won't you run away with me?" But now you're crying out your eyes, crying out your eyes because now you see You've finally reached the end of the road, you reached the end of the road And you'll never touch the sky But you touched the heart of a lonely star tonight It doesn't seem so bad; no, it doesn't seem so bad now with the lights out With the lights out But here's the light and here's the shame, I loved you once can you say the same? Will you stay here in my arms and curse our beating hearts now? When the light’s out When the light’s out
7.
Lull 03:32
Trite little lovers gone off the deep end Sighing to each to each other just waiting on the weekend now To figure it out Trying to discover some kind of meaning Keeping up routines, keep their noses clean Try and discover some kind of weakness Some kind of sign they're alive At all Just passing the time, having a ball But there is no light, left in their bloodshot eyes They just stare and they sigh Through it all It's hard when you discover the truth behind a lover's lies When you've been together for such a long, long time Got no time for nothing that won't get me high Give me something more than a body to stand by Give me a sign, a call Drop me a lifeline, any time at all Yeah, give me a sign, show me a way back now Bring me to life, figure me out Just give me a sign, some kind of sign Don't leave me out in the riptide
8.
Boomerang 03:43
Come back to me, bring back the good times Sweet entropy can’t you just turn a blind eye There comes a time to talk about this There was a line and we just walked around it Circling back again, we’re circling back Ate all the breadcrumbs, cleared out the bag But still we’re circling back again, we’re tight on this path Stuck in the doldrums chasing the feedback Chasing the feedback, stuck in the doldrums We’re tight on this path, we’re circling back again We cleared out the bag, ate all the breadcrumbs Circling back, we’re circling back again There was a line and we just walked around it There comes a time to talk about this There was a line and we just walked around it There comes a time to talk But can’t you just turn a blind eye, sweet entropy? Bring back the good times, come back to me Oh, can’t you just turn a blind eye, sweet entropy? Bring back the good times, come back to me
9.
You fear the big sleep coming so you howl at the moon But you had years and years and years to lose yourself to someone else But you choose this hell, you choose it every time And I, I choose you too, you know I do What dreams are keeping you awake? Keeping you feeling lonely? Thought you said you can’t change, you can only try So please try now Awake from a slumber breathe in the sunlight We stick together and think we’ll be alright Man, it’s such a bummer we agreed on a slow ride Now I keep on driving, and you sleep with other guys
10.
So I guess I got a broken heart and that’s why I feel so badly Yeah, I’m playing parts and you got me acting the fool for you A fool for you I want you; I want you so bad So bad So bad So…? Well even if we have a rocky start and you’re buried in rubble The big one hits hard and gets you in trouble I’d be the first one down, I’d be the one who found you These kinds of daydreams haunt all my thinking Impossible schemes come when I’m drinking Alone in a bar downtown two blocks away from your house Stirring some ice around listening for your sound near… I want you; I want you so bad So bad So bad So…?
11.
I’m tired of dressing up and following plans I’m sick of washing my hands and doing this dance So, I think I’ll pack it up when I get a chance I’m sick of tracing these timelines when I know how they end And I know that they end too soon Ends too soon Soon you’ll see it I’ve half a mind to say you’ve got a mouth on you all of the time Yeah, your words they bite Never could find just where you’re going to So, I’ll be your guide and get lost there with you I think I’ll pack it up See you tonight
12.
Daymare 04:37
You really don’t remember me, do you? Murphy… it’s you Some grand delusion is fogging up your mind You don’t know much but you know better To leap before you look before you blow sky high Mistakes like these they will last forever So now you know the gravity of your situation It became abundantly clear when you opened up your eyes Give yourself to this careless surrender We’ll waste this life, and we’ll do it together Uh oh… Never coming back Never coming back Never coming back Never coming back They’ll go gather by the window Say a prayer to bring us home They got everyone we know to call out Hey now Hey now Hey now Hey now “Cursed”, you say, you’re cursed to be alone, to be alone you said “Cursed”, you say, “what’s worse than this? We bury our hearts and our promises In a filthy bag of bones and you’re just a stupid kid Always reaching for the phone to tell em what you did And you’ll only going to tell them what they want to hear Another sad tale about your broken heart”
13.
Static 04:22
Oh, I’ve heard you talk about it Oh, I know you’ve seen it in some films So, it’s hard to live without it now That kind of clarity it comes and it goes And you let it fly right out your window Oh god and now it’s knocking at your front door But you’re hiding on the back porch feeling down Saying, “I thought there would be something more Than sad sappy songs on the radio to let me know that I’m in love” You’ve never been where you wanted to be Always rolling your eyes like I’m boring you half to sleep You’ve never been where you wanted to be No, you’ve never been where you wanted to be You’ve never been where you wanted to be with me
14.
Shipwrecked 02:05
The ship is taking water, it won't last long I hope you're a swimmer we can call for help, but no one will respond you know that So, close your eyes Hold your breath Take my hand Let’s forget
15.
Beach Day 03:21
I know you see it on the sun-drenched coast a flash of light, a sign of life - a note in a bottle, oh - thought I got all of those I can't believe it but you're really gonna go be it by age by car by note just let me know - how I'll go on without you here I want you here And don't it go to show You don't know what you got until it goes And don't it go to show you You don't know what you got until it owns you molds you fogs your starry eyes… I… I - oh my god I love you blind "I... I - oh my God I love you so… now I feel it go. I'm walking down to the ocean floor. So... say the word and I'll go on Let me go, let me know…" "Simmer down, it feels so right - keep you warm in the middle of the night, yeah.
16.
You’ve got the strangest solutions to solve all your problems Said, “subtract the sources to lessen the pain” But then you call them all at once, you call them onto you Just to show you can shoulder the weight Well, if that’s what you want then that’s what you’ll get That’s always how it goes but you tend to forget it sometimes So, you said you’re on a sinking ship well I’d say you had the right of it Because you’re taking water now, you’re surely going to drown when this hits Oh, when this hits you Oh, when this hits you’ll feel it then, you’ll feel it all You’ll bite your tongue; you’ll chew it off So, it’s not enough to say “you’re right…” all the time anymore Groaning while you’re puking out your guts on the tile of the bathroom floor It’s not enough to say you tried all the time anymore The words are words that we have heard before
17.
At the end of the line, you’ll see the frayed dark edges of time I believe it will blow your mind It’s the absence of being the sweetest release you’ll find it all and it all will work out fine So, forget what you know, just let it unfold and enjoy the ride Forget what you’ve seen just stay here with me it will be alright It’ll be alright Yeah, I think it’ll be alright, alright now Yeah, I think it will be just fine, just fine now Yeah, I think it will be With your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds One hand on your heart like you figured it out We’re only temporary, love You’ve got it all now Yeah, you’ve got it all
18.
Undead 01:37
I’ve seen you sulking around Round the dark parts of town You had your head held low and those glasses that hide that you’re still alive You’ve got that look in your eye You’ve got a taste for blood tonight And I know you know just where to find me So, I try to play it cool as you walk by They don’t teach you this in school The lust, the bite… I’m feeling queasy you’ll never believe me I’m shrugging my shoulders, oh my god I love her She came in the night, and she left with the dawn Left me alive got me singing this song
19.
Some Advice 02:15
Where you went wrong Was writing the whole thing down Words will do harm Left to linger around So, your smile? I don’t talk about it On your knees? I don’t talk about it All your secrets are safe with me I’ll say this politely you don’t really love her You try to speak nicely but soon you’ll discover You’ll pillage the old lies over and over The future’s a landslide and it’s bowling you down
20.
Low Life 03:28
It’s the same here all the time Get lost in each other’s lives Tracing on a line with you And through it all you fear the changes Through it all you feel the same way Save yourself the time It’s going to be a lonely ride Blame it on the wine I love you more with every fight I’ll lay it on the line for you I’d forget it just put it in the back of your mind Forget it, it’s best with your back turned I’d forget it just put it in the back of your mind Forget it, it’s best with your back turned I’d forget it have a change of heart I’d forget but it’s just too hard Trace the line
21.
Good Grief 03:06
Absence it grows like the cold sound of a dial tone Faces fade, distort with time But who really knows who anyone is anyway anymore? Anyhow, your words not mine So, hang it up – wash the wine from the coffee cup Or fill it to the brim again In a thousand years it’ll be as if we were never here And that kind of guarantee should help to ease your mind So, rest your head and drown in it All and all it’s all the same Gone for good or here to stay All and all it’s all the same Gone for good or here with me When the moon is full, I feel it most The creeping fear, unknown unknown My whole damn life is a pale white lie And my hungry heart eats the time It eats the time Oh, if only I could get back now to the way it was before If I could get back now to the way it was
22.
Oh and now it’s all come true Those worrisome eyes have set upon you And the years and years will float on through And you’ll waste your time like you always do So, its all gone south for winter So, we’re both going down together Slow ride home, bright light, your hand on the outside Slow ride home, dead eyed, your hand on the outside low Hand on the outside low Hand on the outside low Your hand It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard to understand the things you do you see? So long as tonight you’re breathing you better Make up your mind, just keep it together, man Because I’ve seen the signs, a change in the weather All things in time, always, forever So long as tonight you’re breathing you better Make up your mind, just keep it together, man Because I’ve seen the signs, a change in the weather All things in time you’re so fucking clever, man
23.
Park Date 02:23
[instrumental]

about

A reflection on the early days of the musical career of Chillian Murphy, aka Adam Van der Veer

Tracks 1-2 are from the "We've Met Before Haven't We?" EP
Tracks 3-7 are from the self-titled demo EP
Tracks 8-13 are from Adam's time in the People Person Collective
Tracks 14-23 are some loose ends / miscellaneous tracks
Tracks 24-26 are covers of Beach House, Linda Ronstadt, and The Ronettes songs respectively. These covers are bonus tracks that are only available to those who purchase the album either digitally or physically

More releases from Chillian Murphy: chillianmurphy.bandcamp.com

More releases from Cyan Sun Records: cyansunrecords.bandcamp.com

credits

released February 3, 2023

All tracks performed & recorded by Adam Van der Veer
Tracks 1-23 written by Adam Van der Veer
Executive production by Nicolas Babick
Drums on "Lights Out" performed and recorded by Wil at Hired Drummers

"Saltwater" originally composed by Victoria Legrand & Alex Scally
"Blue Bayou" originally composed by Roy Orbison & Joe Melson
"Be My Baby" originally composed by Phil Spector, Jeff Barry, & Ellie Greenwich

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